Abandoned? Not at all!

Just now I got the sudden urge to get up and type this particular post. Its 2 a.m. and my mind wouldnt let me sleep until I got this out. For some reason, I keep thinking about abandonment. Not in regards to my life right now, but to how it was before. Growing up, I thought I was a pretty normal girl. I did great in school, surrounded myself with positive and driven people, ambitious, happy-go-lucky, etc...I seemed to not fit the statistics of a 'Ward of the State'. When people found out about my past, they were in shock b/c I never threw myself pity parties or was never triggered by memories of past incidents and never responded in a hostile manner. And to this day, I thank God for protecting me and letting me lead a life of just a regular teenage girl (in some regards). Tonight I was going over a conversation Ty and I were having over lunch about the effects on children due to their parents mistakes and I answered him without thoroughly thinking it through, that I was NOT affected in any negative ways as a result of my childhood. He didnt really argue it because he sees how forgiving I am and how God has restored me with joy, peace, love, etc... So really, who can argue witht that? But for some reason, as I was trying to sleep a few moments ago, the thought came to mind.
Ok, I rememeber back when I was dating, I had great relationships! I mean, the guys would practically worship the ground I walked on. My family would joke and say, 'what kind of spell do you put on these guys?' I often got bored and broke a few hearts along the way. One day I met this 'fellow' (lol) and after only TWO MONTHS, we got married! (hey, I was 21) Yes, MARRIED! He was different from the guys before him. Not as confident or established, very soft spoken, very 'innocent' (sarcasm)so to speak. But what did draw me to him was his love for Christ AND his background mirrored mine to a 'T'! It was amazing (in that aspect)! I didnt feel like I had to make up explanations for my life, mom, dad, etc., because he was a byproduct of the same environment. We were both used to the instability of life. Moving here, going there, getting packed up in the middle of the night, being surrounded by the strangest of strangers, the whole nine. Just like mine, his mom left him for more 'recreational activities'. So, I guess you can say, what brought us together was the abandoned part of us. We knew once we spoke of marriage and said 'I do', it gave us a confidence that neither one of us would just get up and leave. It was our security blankets, our insurance. BUT, that very thing that caused us to get married, caused us to get divorced. Three long, draining, exhausting, HARD years later, it ended but the rest of my life really did begin. May sound cliche, but its the truth. Transitioning from one lifestlye to another was pretty difficult, I cant lie. Relocating back to my home state, looking for work, starting all over- it was so overwhelming! Especially being a divorcee, that was tough for me b/c I had fought for a marriage that wasnt supposed to be in the first place. Once I moved back to Texas, feelings of abandonment really surfaced. I felt betrayed, broken, lost, confused...a ton of things! But, all I could do was cry out to God and trust that He knew what He was doing. For those three years that I was in that marriage, I was the sole (and ONLY) breadwinner, worked my butt off at a job and at home. I wanted to go back to school, but there was no real support system there. Once I got back to Texas, God blessed me with some for real strength. Strength I didnt even know I had. Within a month, I was enrolled in school, had myself a cozy little apartment, had left a temp job after two weeks to be placed in a salary paying job, with all the fixings. 401k, health benefits, paid vacations, etc. I saw going through all of that, I was not alone. All the dreams I had, God had put them there and orchestrated a way for me to accomplish what I knew I could in the beginning. He brought me out of a bad situation, but let me go through it so I can get to what really mattered. Once I took my eyes off of my problems and fixed them on Him, I was able to SEE things so much better. The times when I wanted to reach out to a friend and cry, I didnt. I used that time to call on God. From the outside, it may have appeared that I was alone, but in my heart and in my Spirit, I felt God every step of the way, regardless to how difficult it was. I walked and remained in His will and He blessed me for it. And now, as I look to the left of me and see my Phenomenal Husband sleeping like a baby, I thank God for those hard times. I thank God for that lesson in my first marriage. I thank God for revealing to me how strong I really am, and I thank God for choosing me. Somebody had to have this testimony and Im glad it was me!