Sometimes I take a peek at a few other blogs, just to see what the topic of discussion is for that day. Some are pretty interesting and others are just....not worth reading sometimes. In the industry that we are in, you run across so many superficial, pretentious, 'Im all that' type of women. Fortunately, I havent been on a team with those types, BUT we run in the same web circle, so you do see them. Anyway, I remember one day I was reading a blog discussion titled something like, 'What new bag have you gotten lately?' Maybe its just me, but those kind of conversations, I try to steer clear from. Granted, who does NOT like nice things? I know I do! But, I dont have to discuss it. It doesnt consume me. I have so many friends that laugh at me b/c often times I can come across as super frugal and guess what? I DO NOT CARE! Whatever name brand I have on, Im going to think Im cute- regardless. I can make the cheapest looking thing look fly! ;) But seriously, I dont hide behind name brands. Now, dont get me wrong, I have some expensive things, but I dont have to flaunt it. I think one thing my friends do admire about me is the fact that I can get whatever I want, but Ive learned being a true steward over our finances is what really matters and I know God smiles at me when Im being cheap too! lol Anyway, one of my favorite songs right now is 'God in me' by Mary Mary. Ive attached the lyrics so you can take a look at what its about. I love it b/c it takes the focus off the material things to the bigger picture, the reward God blesses us with. He said He will reward the faithful and so when I hear this song, Im reminded I too have worked hard to get what I have!
Anyway, I just thought Id share this with ya!!!
I just wanna tell the truth mayne (5x)
Verse 1: Your so fly your so high Everbody around you trying to figure out why
Your so cool your win all the time
Everywhere you go man you get alot of shine
You draw like a magnet better yet I have it
Everything you wear people say they got have it
From the sweat suit to the white tee to the gucci
You can probably say people wanna get like me
Hook: But what they don't know is when you go home and get behind closed doors man you hit the floor and what they can't see is your on your knees
So the next time you get it just tell em
Chorus:It's the God in me (5x)y
You think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet It's the God in me
Kiki:What is it you think you see
Verse 2: You see her style you think she nice
you look at her whip you say the whip tight
You look at her crib you thinks she's paid
you look at her life you think she's got it made
but everything she's got the girl's been given
She calls it a blessing but you call it living
When it comes to money she can be a hero
She writes them cheacks with a whole lot of zeros
Hook: But what they don't know is when you go home
and get behind closed doors man you hit the floor
and what they can't see is your on your knees
If you ask her she'll tell you
Chorus: It's the God in me (5x)
you think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet It's the God in me
Kiki:What is it you think you seeKiki: What is it you think you see
when you see me, you see me
You don't know how much I praydon't know how much I gave
don't know how much I changed I'm just tryna explain
Chorus:It's the God in me (5x)
you think I'm so fresh you think I'm so clean
You think I'm so sweet It's the God in me Kiki:What is it you think you see
Heres the link so you can listen to it as you read the lyrics!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWq0BE7zYK8
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Abandoned? Not at all!
Just now I got the sudden urge to get up and type this particular post. Its 2 a.m. and my mind wouldnt let me sleep until I got this out. For some reason, I keep thinking about abandonment. Not in regards to my life right now, but to how it was before. Growing up, I thought I was a pretty normal girl. I did great in school, surrounded myself with positive and driven people, ambitious, happy-go-lucky, etc...I seemed to not fit the statistics of a 'Ward of the State'. When people found out about my past, they were in shock b/c I never threw myself pity parties or was never triggered by memories of past incidents and never responded in a hostile manner. And to this day, I thank God for protecting me and letting me lead a life of just a regular teenage girl (in some regards). Tonight I was going over a conversation Ty and I were having over lunch about the effects on children due to their parents mistakes and I answered him without thoroughly thinking it through, that I was NOT affected in any negative ways as a result of my childhood. He didnt really argue it because he sees how forgiving I am and how God has restored me with joy, peace, love, etc... So really, who can argue witht that? But for some reason, as I was trying to sleep a few moments ago, the thought came to mind.
Ok, I rememeber back when I was dating, I had great relationships! I mean, the guys would practically worship the ground I walked on. My family would joke and say, 'what kind of spell do you put on these guys?' I often got bored and broke a few hearts along the way. One day I met this 'fellow' (lol) and after only TWO MONTHS, we got married! (hey, I was 21) Yes, MARRIED! He was different from the guys before him. Not as confident or established, very soft spoken, very 'innocent' (sarcasm)so to speak. But what did draw me to him was his love for Christ AND his background mirrored mine to a 'T'! It was amazing (in that aspect)! I didnt feel like I had to make up explanations for my life, mom, dad, etc., because he was a byproduct of the same environment. We were both used to the instability of life. Moving here, going there, getting packed up in the middle of the night, being surrounded by the strangest of strangers, the whole nine. Just like mine, his mom left him for more 'recreational activities'. So, I guess you can say, what brought us together was the abandoned part of us. We knew once we spoke of marriage and said 'I do', it gave us a confidence that neither one of us would just get up and leave. It was our security blankets, our insurance. BUT, that very thing that caused us to get married, caused us to get divorced. Three long, draining, exhausting, HARD years later, it ended but the rest of my life really did begin. May sound cliche, but its the truth. Transitioning from one lifestlye to another was pretty difficult, I cant lie. Relocating back to my home state, looking for work, starting all over- it was so overwhelming! Especially being a divorcee, that was tough for me b/c I had fought for a marriage that wasnt supposed to be in the first place. Once I moved back to Texas, feelings of abandonment really surfaced. I felt betrayed, broken, lost, confused...a ton of things! But, all I could do was cry out to God and trust that He knew what He was doing. For those three years that I was in that marriage, I was the sole (and ONLY) breadwinner, worked my butt off at a job and at home. I wanted to go back to school, but there was no real support system there. Once I got back to Texas, God blessed me with some for real strength. Strength I didnt even know I had. Within a month, I was enrolled in school, had myself a cozy little apartment, had left a temp job after two weeks to be placed in a salary paying job, with all the fixings. 401k, health benefits, paid vacations, etc. I saw going through all of that, I was not alone. All the dreams I had, God had put them there and orchestrated a way for me to accomplish what I knew I could in the beginning. He brought me out of a bad situation, but let me go through it so I can get to what really mattered. Once I took my eyes off of my problems and fixed them on Him, I was able to SEE things so much better. The times when I wanted to reach out to a friend and cry, I didnt. I used that time to call on God. From the outside, it may have appeared that I was alone, but in my heart and in my Spirit, I felt God every step of the way, regardless to how difficult it was. I walked and remained in His will and He blessed me for it. And now, as I look to the left of me and see my Phenomenal Husband sleeping like a baby, I thank God for those hard times. I thank God for that lesson in my first marriage. I thank God for revealing to me how strong I really am, and I thank God for choosing me. Somebody had to have this testimony and Im glad it was me!
Ok, I rememeber back when I was dating, I had great relationships! I mean, the guys would practically worship the ground I walked on. My family would joke and say, 'what kind of spell do you put on these guys?' I often got bored and broke a few hearts along the way. One day I met this 'fellow' (lol) and after only TWO MONTHS, we got married! (hey, I was 21) Yes, MARRIED! He was different from the guys before him. Not as confident or established, very soft spoken, very 'innocent' (sarcasm)so to speak. But what did draw me to him was his love for Christ AND his background mirrored mine to a 'T'! It was amazing (in that aspect)! I didnt feel like I had to make up explanations for my life, mom, dad, etc., because he was a byproduct of the same environment. We were both used to the instability of life. Moving here, going there, getting packed up in the middle of the night, being surrounded by the strangest of strangers, the whole nine. Just like mine, his mom left him for more 'recreational activities'. So, I guess you can say, what brought us together was the abandoned part of us. We knew once we spoke of marriage and said 'I do', it gave us a confidence that neither one of us would just get up and leave. It was our security blankets, our insurance. BUT, that very thing that caused us to get married, caused us to get divorced. Three long, draining, exhausting, HARD years later, it ended but the rest of my life really did begin. May sound cliche, but its the truth. Transitioning from one lifestlye to another was pretty difficult, I cant lie. Relocating back to my home state, looking for work, starting all over- it was so overwhelming! Especially being a divorcee, that was tough for me b/c I had fought for a marriage that wasnt supposed to be in the first place. Once I moved back to Texas, feelings of abandonment really surfaced. I felt betrayed, broken, lost, confused...a ton of things! But, all I could do was cry out to God and trust that He knew what He was doing. For those three years that I was in that marriage, I was the sole (and ONLY) breadwinner, worked my butt off at a job and at home. I wanted to go back to school, but there was no real support system there. Once I got back to Texas, God blessed me with some for real strength. Strength I didnt even know I had. Within a month, I was enrolled in school, had myself a cozy little apartment, had left a temp job after two weeks to be placed in a salary paying job, with all the fixings. 401k, health benefits, paid vacations, etc. I saw going through all of that, I was not alone. All the dreams I had, God had put them there and orchestrated a way for me to accomplish what I knew I could in the beginning. He brought me out of a bad situation, but let me go through it so I can get to what really mattered. Once I took my eyes off of my problems and fixed them on Him, I was able to SEE things so much better. The times when I wanted to reach out to a friend and cry, I didnt. I used that time to call on God. From the outside, it may have appeared that I was alone, but in my heart and in my Spirit, I felt God every step of the way, regardless to how difficult it was. I walked and remained in His will and He blessed me for it. And now, as I look to the left of me and see my Phenomenal Husband sleeping like a baby, I thank God for those hard times. I thank God for that lesson in my first marriage. I thank God for revealing to me how strong I really am, and I thank God for choosing me. Somebody had to have this testimony and Im glad it was me!
Define the time
You have heard it said, "Time heals everything." I have two questions for you. First, who said that? Second, does time really heal everything? It boggles my mind to think of all the times that I have believed something because "they said it," not even knowing if "they" are a reliable source! I would like to believe that time does heal everything but I have come to realize the truth that time really does not heal everything. What about you, has time healed your wounds?
Think about the first person who broke your heart or the person that walked out on you. Did time heal that wound? What about the parent that disappointed you time after time or the boss who never saw your full potential? Did time heal your disappointment or make you believe that you had worth?
For me, time only puts a band-aid on the injury. All it takes is a memory of an offense or hurt to replace the band-aid with a dagger that goes straight through my heart.
What pain have you hoped time would heal? Is it fear, worry, anger or the inability to forgive? Are you trying to cover a broken heart of rejection or grief?
Have you been inspired or determined to change, only to find yourself living the same way, walking the same painful road, or feeling the same destructive emotions? If this describes how you feel, you are not alone! I have walked in those shoes and so has practically every other person who is reading this.
I have discovered a significant truth in life. There is a huge difference between an "inspirational moment" and a "defining moment." An inspirational moment is when we feel motivated to change. A defining moment is when we actually do change. The difference between the two is enormous.
With best intentions and a willing heart, many of us have had inspired moments that failed to develop into defining ones. Our best human effort left us feeling defeated and doubtful that our lives would ever change for the better. That is why we need Jesus!
The birth of Jesus was a defining moment that changed the course of history for this world, but more importantly, it was a defining moment for you. Jesus came to earth not only to give you eternal life, but to give you freedom (Galatians 5:1) and the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome the things that hold you back from having the life for which you were created. The same power that God used to raise Jesus from the dead is available to you to break down ANY stronghold or hurt in your life (2 Corinthians 10:4). All you have to do is ask God to help you.
During this Holiday season, I pray that every time you are reminded of the birth of Christ, you will be reminded of the message that Jesus came to earth for you! He came to unchain you, to set you free so you could fly, and to open your eyes to your incredible worth! Jesus has special gift for you this year, a defining moment wrapped and waiting for you. Will you receive it?
Think about the first person who broke your heart or the person that walked out on you. Did time heal that wound? What about the parent that disappointed you time after time or the boss who never saw your full potential? Did time heal your disappointment or make you believe that you had worth?
For me, time only puts a band-aid on the injury. All it takes is a memory of an offense or hurt to replace the band-aid with a dagger that goes straight through my heart.
What pain have you hoped time would heal? Is it fear, worry, anger or the inability to forgive? Are you trying to cover a broken heart of rejection or grief?
Have you been inspired or determined to change, only to find yourself living the same way, walking the same painful road, or feeling the same destructive emotions? If this describes how you feel, you are not alone! I have walked in those shoes and so has practically every other person who is reading this.
I have discovered a significant truth in life. There is a huge difference between an "inspirational moment" and a "defining moment." An inspirational moment is when we feel motivated to change. A defining moment is when we actually do change. The difference between the two is enormous.
With best intentions and a willing heart, many of us have had inspired moments that failed to develop into defining ones. Our best human effort left us feeling defeated and doubtful that our lives would ever change for the better. That is why we need Jesus!
The birth of Jesus was a defining moment that changed the course of history for this world, but more importantly, it was a defining moment for you. Jesus came to earth not only to give you eternal life, but to give you freedom (Galatians 5:1) and the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome the things that hold you back from having the life for which you were created. The same power that God used to raise Jesus from the dead is available to you to break down ANY stronghold or hurt in your life (2 Corinthians 10:4). All you have to do is ask God to help you.
During this Holiday season, I pray that every time you are reminded of the birth of Christ, you will be reminded of the message that Jesus came to earth for you! He came to unchain you, to set you free so you could fly, and to open your eyes to your incredible worth! Jesus has special gift for you this year, a defining moment wrapped and waiting for you. Will you receive it?
Saturday, December 20, 2008
A real ear to HEAR!
2008 has definitely been a great year for me and I say this with complete humility and thanks to God. Ive learned so much more about relationships and the most important one being with Christ. Hes taught me how to be still and LISTEN! Every since I can remember, Ive always had a hard time of listening. Not the kind that says, 'uh huh' on que every single time or the knodding of the head, but the REAL kind of listening. The kind where I learned to open up my mind, my heart, and my ears. The kind where I had to really make an effort to LISTEN. To a lot, this is probably second nature to them, but for me, it was really a battle. I was always so used to doing things in great haste and expected everyone else to be at my same speed. If a conversation got too long, I would still HEAR them, but my attention had checked out and went else where. Not only was I doing this to my friends, but I would do this to God. I would worship, pray, and read my Word, but even as I was reading, I would often times hurry up the pace to get to the 'point' at which I thought God was 'trying' to give to me. Now aint that something?! Im seeking and NEEDING God to show me a Word, but yet and still, I thought I knew when it was enough. Of course as I was doing this, I didnt see anything wrong with it because exactly HOW LONG does it take before we hear God's voice? AS LONG AS IT TAKES is what Ive realized, but before, my flesh would say, 'Ok, its been 30 minutes, thats good for the day!' and little did I know, I was probably a second away from hearing that small and still voice of my Father WITH the answer that I needed to HEAR!
As Ive realized how important listening really is, I see how much better of a friend I have become. In moments where a friend is sharing with me, I hear how God is pouring into me what He wants me to share with that friend. Not only am I listening to a friend in need, but I can hear Gods voice even MORE. Its funny how now it makes sense when I used to hear, 'Talk less, listen more; thats why God has given us one mouth and TWO ears!' So listen up, God is probably trying to tell you something!!
As Ive realized how important listening really is, I see how much better of a friend I have become. In moments where a friend is sharing with me, I hear how God is pouring into me what He wants me to share with that friend. Not only am I listening to a friend in need, but I can hear Gods voice even MORE. Its funny how now it makes sense when I used to hear, 'Talk less, listen more; thats why God has given us one mouth and TWO ears!' So listen up, God is probably trying to tell you something!!
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